April 19th Entry

This page was about remembering how much fun it was when my father brought gifts for my sisters and me when he returned from a trip. I still have one of them: a small toy stuffed poodle. I lent the poodle to my character (who noticed that the poodle is missing its left eye!) and she traced around it with pencil at the bottom of the page where she had finished writing and then decorated it. The orange stamped images are wrapped gifts (from a set of Christmas stamps) that my character thought went with the text. (You can tell the actual size from the quad ruling which is five squares to the inch.)

April 15th Entry

I emailed the above picture of a vintage ad that I'd found on the web to my character and asked her to use it as a prompt for the memory I wanted to share for the April 15th entry in my 2014 Fake Journal. She'd already printed it out and glued it to the page before she called me.

Here's a copy of an extract from her summary of what I told her when she called.

...her father often told her that when she was born he'd promised his parents (whom he greatly admired) that S would never smoke.

S said that always made her proud & feel special & she thought she was obligated by that promise. She said she's often since wondered why she had such a positive reaction rather than being rebellious.

She was slightly rebellious her freshman year when she went to an out-of-state college where almost everyone -- including her -- lived in single-sex dorms. She bought a box of Vogue* cigarettes! She remembers the pretty colored papers & gold tips & she thinks a dark flat box -- "distinctive slide case" which she carried in her purse.

I probably should have mentioned that I also loved and admired my father's parents, i.e. my paternal grandparents. They were quite young when my father was born so I had them for a long time; neither of them died until after I was married and both of my children were born.

As best as I can remember I didn't smoke more than two packs of cigarettes the entire time I was in college. (I graduated in 1962.) I've probably smoked no more that half a pack since them. I've definitely never been smoker for which I will always be very grateful.

Here's a scan of part of the above extract as it appeared in the journal.

April 1st Entry

This is a sketch and a bit of the text from the first entry in my 2014 Fake Journal.

My IFJM 2014 Journal Choice

When I decided to participate in IFJM 2014, I wanted everything to be as easy as possible so of course I planned to choose a journal I already had. When I opened the drawer where I keep most of my new and partially-used journals, I was delighted to find this marble cover—80 sheet composition book that I'd forgotten about. I'd bought it when we were on vacation last fall when I saw it in one of those drug stores that sells everything and just had to have it. I had only used the first dozen pages for a trip diary.

It turned out to be perfect for my IFJM project! It's a No. 77227 hard-cover sewn [!] 5x5 Quad Ruled 9.75x7.5 in. rounded corner notebook made in the U.S.A. by Roaring Spring Paper Products. It opens flat. The sheets are sturdy but very thin so almost anything except pencil or ballpoint pen bleeds through. Nonethless they feel lovely and the pages make a cheering noise when you turn them. I really liked this size: large enough to put quite a bit on a page if you want to but small enough that a half-filled page doesn't look empty.

I wish I'd discovered this notebook sooner because I like it better than any other notebook I've used for written journaling. I was surprised how freeing and enjoyable it is to write on quad-ruled paper. Another surprise was to learn that I much prefer to write in a sewn notebook with tape binding than to write in a spiral notebook.

I understand a lot better now why Roz puts so much emphasis on the choice of a journal and provides so much detail about all the different aspects and possibilities. It makes more of a difference than I would have expected to look forward to using a particular journal.

Surprising Positive Aspects of Writing One's Own Thoughts As Someone Else

The story behind my fake journal is that my character friend phones me to have me tell her a single (real) memory which she writes in the journal. This in itself supplies a useful structure. My friend is being so nice that I don't want to let her down. We've agreed that one memory a day is sufficient which creates a reasonably short time frame and avoids my feeling I haven't done enough. But what has turned out to be most interesting and helpful is the following effect on my writing.

I've been imagining that in talking with my character I tell her as much or as little as I feel like about the day's memory and she is, of course, able to ask questions if something isn't clear. (Possibly she jots notes when I'm talking; I don't know.) Anyway, she writes each day's journal entry after the phone call which means she summarizes what I've said and doesn't feel the need to go into excruciating detail (after all she doesn't know all the other thoughts this memory might bring up) or to add unecessary explanations.

Two other aspects of the story have also been helpful. One is that the fake journal isn't intended to be a finished project but, rather, notes for a "memory book" to be made later. The other is that sometimes my character chooses to do a bit of internet research to get some background information about something I've mentioned and that keeps me from being concerned about surfing instead of writing. However, what's been most surprising and valuable is the ease of writing as though summarizing what someone else has told me and about which I have little or no additional information.

The "J" in IFJM Is for Journal, Isn't It?

In my last post I suggested that the key reason for my failure to carry out my two previous ideas for IFJM was that both ideas were really designed to get me started on an exercise habit, not a journaling habit. Of course, a close second as a reason for failure was that I had been thinking of using IFJM as a means of resolving several "issues" (including not exercising enough) I was feeling guilty about.

Yesterday on the IFJM blog Roz posted a wonderful piece that talks about how to deal with issues. She advocates dealing with them directly, not wallowing in them. She also talks about the value of skills-based projects. Her whole piece is definitely worth reading and thinking about.

Much of the specific advice on the IFJM blog is, of course, directly related to journaling: choice of physical journal, choice of media, choice of character, etc. But there's also a lot of excellent advice that's relevant to other aspects of life.

I haven't given up on developing a better exercise habit. Who knows, IFJM may end up helping after all.

P.S. I was thinking about the question as why would one want to develop a journaling habit and it reminded me of the kinds of questions students often ask.

Student. Why do I need to study trigonometry? Teacher. You need it for calculus. Student. But I'm never going to study calculus.

There really are things that are worth learning or doing that you can't appreciate or understand the reasons for until you've learned them or done them so you often have no choice but to follow the advice of people you trust.

Two Failed Ideas for Fake Journal Projects!

Here's some notes I found on my computer of an idea I'd had for 2013 IFJM that never got off the ground. None of this ever happened.

Roz Stendahl's blog is one of my favorites so I've been aware of IFJM for several years. However, I never thought before that making a fake journal would be something I'd want to do. You'll never guess how I got started. A few weeks ago my neighbor Barb told me she was depressed because she's gotten even more out-of-shape than usual because of her back problems. When I asked her more about it, I found out that last summer her Physical Therapist had suggested that she walk on a treadmill very, very slowly but she admitted that, even though she has a very nice treadmill and thought it was a good idea, she'd only done it a few times at the therapist's and never even once at home.

That's when I had my great idea. I've been feeling at least as guilty about my addiction to reading art blogs, to buying art books, and, especially, to buying materials that I don't use as Barb has about not using her treadmill. So I asked Barb whether she thought it might help her if I were to make her a little datebook where she could keep track of her progress on the treadmill. Once she understood that she'd be helping me, she agreed to try it. We decided to start with just one week and Barb chose Monday, April 1 as the first day.

So I made this one-week book and give it to her before the week started. I decorated and dated the pages but left some room for Barb to put whatever she wanted. I thought that since I'd made this gift she'd feel guilty if I'd already done my part and her goal would be to add 30 seconds to her treadmilling a day every day for a month.

Gee, I wonder why this idea never off the ground? As you can probably see, my intent was to think like two characters who were both feeling guilty but for different reasons! I was to think like Barb and record my real walking on my real treadmill following my real P.T.'s advice and I was also to think like the neighbor who'd written the above introduction and was making and decorating the datebooks to be used as exercise journals.

What's even more silly if that's possible is that this idea is a simplification of the one I'd had the year before that also never went anywhere. In the earlier one the instigator was a mother who had just gotten her daughter—who'd moved back home after graduating from college—a part-time job as a personal trainer for Barb. The daughter was to use her smartphone to email her mother each day a description of Barb's progress plus photos of Barb's exercise equipment (or whatever). The "photos" were to give her mother something to sketch in the fake journal (to go along with the text of the "emails") since her mother was feeling guilty about not taking Roz's advice about practicing sketching in addition to feeling guilty about not using her art materials!

P.S. I'm certainly not blaming Roz's convoluted 2011 Fake Journal for my ideas because she's never ever said anything about feeling guilty!

Anne

My 2014 IFJM character friend Anne, who is only a few years younger than me, is a lovely person. She's kind and gentle and thoughtful. She's very creative: she's an excellent photographer; she sews; she's a fabulous cook. She's also very organized.

Anne knew that we'd just had two wonderful 100th birthday celebrations for my father. One was a grand open house for friends, neighbors, and former colleagues that was held in a beautiful room at a nearby arboretum and the second, a few days later on his actual birthday, was a family dinner held in a private dining room at an inn where our family had celebrated special occasions before. (My amazing younger sister spent months arranging both of these.) When I told Anne that my father had died, she offered to make me a memory book. (She'd apparently made one for another friend of hers, not someone I know, and I have no idea what that one was like.)

Anne of course knows that most of us have mixed memories of loved ones but she said that I might want to capture some of the happy ones I have of my father. I was hesitant about how to do this until she suggested that she'd make a quick phone call to me every day and ask for one memory. She then grabs the closest writing instrument and jots down her summary of what I've told her in a composition book she had on hand that happened to have only a few pages already written on. She's also been adding sketches and ideas for the memory book which she plans to make when IFJM is over.

The Significance of Fake Reality

Although I've been reading about International Fake Journal Month (IFJM) for several years, this is the first year I'm participating. I haven't yet decided how much I want to write about my fake journal but the experience of the six journal entries so far reminded me of a very enjoyable but unusual IFJM-related experience I had last year when Roz, the instigator of IFJM, asked her readers to send in collage material that her character might choose to use in her fake journal. .

I sent in a few old canceled postage stamps and I believe it was the real Roz who opened my letter, checked the items, and kindly mailed me the 2013 IFJM button with her portrait of a French Bulldog and last year's motto: "Embrace the Fake."

In any case, her character did use my material. I know this because Roz made a video where she paged through the journal (which is awesome) and I saw my stamps on one of the pages!

Seeing the stamps I'd sent appearing in the video was a fun but also surreal experience. How did my real stamps end up in a virtual representation of an apparently actual fake journal produced by a character Roz created? I plan to explore this question further in a wrap up once the 2014 IFJM is over.

NOTE All of my 2014 IFJM posts will be displayed by clicking on the IFJM link after the word Labels: just below this post or any of my other posts with the same link.